During court proceedings regarding charges that Ijon Tichy offended Soviet values, a known Chechen terrorist, Oleg Timashenko, fired a shotgun at the judge.According to the police, the shotgun was loaded with a Swiss-made screwdriver. Police made no comment whether any orange juice was found on the crime scene. Fortunately for the judge, he shot Vladimir Putin instead. Later it was determined that Mr. Putin was unharmed, because he was not present in the court. The terrorist shot his portrait that was later determined as actually portrait of Andropov. Witnesses reported that Mr. Timashenko was not present at the scene either.. At this point Russian Investigative Committee became very suspicious and contacted Interpol. Interpol, with the help of FBI determined that Mr. Timashenko was in fact in Revere, Massachusetts at the time of alleged shooting. FBI raided the residence of Timashenko and discovered his blind wife and a bazooka capable of firing ballistic missiles with depleted uranium warheads. Anonymous sources say that this type of weapon is designed by Mossad. Sources in Mossad claim that it’s designed by Iran. According to neighbors, Timashenko is hiding at his son’s apartment. However, the district judge denied a request for a warrant, and Mr. Timashenko’s son refused any cooperation until his father finishes vacuuming his apartment.